People believe the enchantment is unconscious, No. It's conscious; it gets you through your five senses, being aware or unaware of it. You can feel something beginning to burn inside.
I ask myself, is this what I want? Maybe it is. Part of me wants this to happen. It reminds me of this book called: 'This unbearable lightness of being,' from Milan Kundera.
The book expresses, briefly speaking, you only have one life. And you sometimes fall into doing things you don't want to do but that you are called to do from deep inside of you at the same time. This doubt is inherited by every human being. (Christianity has a better and easier way to describe this. It calls it: 'Temptation').
There is fear, anxiety, small pinches of panic. That fire is burning, but burning what? Something must be ignited to be burn. I know, maybe dreams, expectations, ideas, hope.
I was thinking about how to describe my feelings now. It gets clearer with time. I am saying this is getting clearer. The message is that I must make decisions. I cannot keep running out of them. I have to close some paths to open others.
So, I need to hurt others to keep my sanity? I need to be honest; if that means to hurt, then it must be like that. There is no motive to keep evading the truth. Freedom is unavoidable. It is called being honest. I must speak with the truth.
This also means I will have to pay the price. I can't deny this either.
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